Friday, July 13, 2012

My Breaking Heart


In 5 weeks my baby will start Kindergarten.  That’s only 33 days.  I am not a helicopter mother.  I am also not a mother who is very emotional.  But lately I have been struggling with this.  And I’m not talking just having sad thoughts that my baby is growing up but close to full on panic attacks.  This seems ridiculous and I get that.  But I am worried.  I am worried that something bad is going to happen to him.  That he isn’t going to fit in.  That he is going to hate school.  That the other kids are going to be mean to him.  That he is going to get kicked out of school.  That he is not going to be able to control his rapidly growing temper/energy.  Maybe every parent goes through this.  I don’t know. I don’t have very many friends who have kids who have started school yet.  And those that do we haven’t had this conversation.  Because it’s hard for me.  I read a blog where the mom homeschools (  And while I have always had really misguided thoughts about homeschooling (the kids are weird and blah blah blah) from the looks of it her kids are downright awesome.  And it makes me want to do that.  But at the same time I know that that is not something that would work for our family.  But seriously…how amazing would it be to know that you are able to teach your children.  That you are the person that is forming their young mind.  That you are there to witness all the awe and wonder when they learn something. 


So in the next few weeks I’m going to try to get some posts out about my boy.  And how he’s grown into quite a special guy.  And how even at 5 he kills me with what he picks up on ((like last night when he asked me what sex was).  Yeah…that was awkward.  Maybe going through some pictures and remembering stories and special days will help my heart get ready for what I know will be a rough day.  August 16th…I’m looking at you.


No comments: