As I was laying in bed last night frustrated that it was 10pm and Jacoby had just come in my bedroom I had a moment. I had been snippy because he’d been in and out of bed for almost 2 hours without going to sleep. I’d cleaned the entire house because we have a babysitter comingtonight and had been by myself with the boys since I’d gotten home from work because the hubs had a meeting. So at 10pm all I wanted to do was crawl into bed, by myself, and watch a few episodes of Game of Thrones. Of course with Jacoby in there that wasn’t going to happen. So I was snippy. But then, in all about 3 minutes he had fallen asleep. And he was so flipping angelic. And at that point all I wanted to do was snuggle and kiss him. And I did. But very quietly and gently because I did not want to wake him.
I don’t know what it is about those boys but they make my emotions and moods run extremes. One minute they are demon children and moody teenage-wannabes and the next minute they’re hugging me and telling me how much they love me. It. Is. Exhausting. I am a moody person in general and having two moody children and a moody spouse…yikes. Our house is chaos. And after last night (and all the other nights in between) I think about how much I need to make a little more effort to just give myself to the boys. Just a little more compassion. A little more sympathy. Because their feelings are REAL. As hard as it is for me to remember that when Jacoby asks me why his name is in the trash (I threw away his papers from school) or when Leo is all in a huff because he thinks I’m a liar because I didn’t specify one little thing to him and now I’m the worst mom every. They feel this. They feel the love and the snuggles. But they don’t always feel the compassion. Because it’s not always on the surface. It’s buried beneath hours of work stress and home stress and PTO stress and money stress. I’m going to add it to my list though. It needs to be at the top. Because they are the reason that I do what I do. And I will succeed and they will feel it.