Thursday, July 7, 2011

Forgive and Forget

Forgiveness is a funny thing. Because you have to do something to someone to cause them to grant you forgiveness or you have to be wronged to be able to give forgiveness to someone. And sometimes you think you’ve done nothing wrong but the other party feels completely different or vice versa.

I think in a marriage forgiveness is the most difficult of topics because you are so in-tune to each other that usually if you do something to the other you will know that it will cause hurt feelings before you even do them. Or you think that you are right and they are wrong so when you say something (as stupid as it may be) it could very easily cause hard feelings over the simplest of things. But I also think that in a marriage forgiveness is taken for granted. Of course I’m talking about the small things…not like hiding huge amounts of debt, cheating, etc. I think that when a spouse says or does something that they know will cause an issue they just let it linger because they think…hey, we’re married. They know this is how I act, speak, etc. and so they should be more willing to allow these actions to slide. But at the same time they have to realize that yes, the other person knew about these behaviors and while they can’t/wouldn’t change it sometimes those behaviors should be changed. Only to better themselves or to better their relationships.

So while this was not where I originally thought my thoughts were going to go when Jen gave us the prompt forgiveness I think that it’s definitely something to think about if you are in a relationship. Take a deep breath and clear your thoughts before you do or say that stupid thing because it may save you the step of asking for forgiveness tomorrow! And go see Jen and other spins...or she might not forgive you!


Sprite's Keeper said...

I agree with this. I think, in most relationships, we say hurtful things when angry or hurt ourselves because we want that other person to be as hurt or angry as we are. It causes a lot of strife and divorce rates may rely a lot on our unwillingness to forgive each other. Interesting! You're linked!

CaJoh said...

I sometimes think that I tend to say I'm sorry whenever I realize I may have said or done something stupid. But sometimes those apologies are not accepted and I suspect it is because we are married and I am expected to not make mistakes.

Kate said...

How true. My husband and I (who will be married 6 years in August, together 8) have come up with rules to fight fair. Mostly this has been him imposing rules on me, because I used to fight to win and now I fight to be happy. I have learned so much from him. I give myself credit for dragging issues out of him. He would never talk about anything, and now we talk about everything. We have both made each other into better versions of ourselves, which is the best thing that can come from a marriage!