Holy Terror

So lately I have had a holy terror for a child. I think I may be Rosemary because I may have the spawn of satan. On Sunday I really wanted to go for a walk while the hubby was golfing. I didn't figure this would be a huge deal because we would be outside, and I even told Leo he could play golf when we got home. He agreed to this but when I went to change his diaper and sit him on the pot so he could do his business he totally flipped out. He told me he didn't need to go to the bathroom. I told him that was fine but we still needed to change his diaper and then put pants on. It was a nippy 50ish degrees. As I was taking him into his room he promptly started screaming that he needed to go potty. So I took him back to the bathroom where he proceeded to throw his basketball seat that sits on top of the stool (so his tiny buns fit in it) at me and screamed he didn't like to go potty. This continued for a good 5-10 minutes before I bribed him with just putting regular underpants on. This scared me a lot since we would be gone for at least 30 minutes and he had not gone to the bathroom. He finally calmed down and I got him in those and we got on our walk. We got home with dry pants and he went inside and went to the bathroom and then he got to outside and golf. He continued to have dry pants until his dad came home and he unloaded a giant deuce in his nice new-ish underpants. I sat him on the stool so I could go get some wipes and I came back and he had poop. ON. HIM. It was disgusting. Not like on his buns, but on his chest and his shoulders. He had touched it and then put it on him. I immediately ran bath water and put him in it where he proceeded to throw another fit about how he wanted to splash water on me and then the hubby and I got into it because I was yelling because he was splashing water all over the bathroom and i was tired of dealing with a devil child and if he wanted to golf then he could deal with the kid. I wouldn't even claim him. I think I even said that he could stay in the water as long as he wanted and I hoped he got pneumonia. Yep. Parent of the year right here! Oh wait...nope that was a giant ass sign saying parenting fail. Oh well. He did not get pneumonia and he got to watch football with mom and dad all afternoon. Yep...that's how my life has been the past few weeks. And the lady that comes and does in-home visits for Parents as Teachers (an organization that gives learning ideas for young kids through the school district) said that kids like to throw fits for attention. All I was doing was showering this kid with attention. I just don't get it sometimes...sigh.

***Note to all readers: No children were harmed in the writing of this blog***